June 5, 2008

Dear SS and C "aka ": XXX;

In my search for answers I life, I have sometimes ran into an impasse of grave questioning to understand both the motives and the responsibilities of others as they pertain to my own. I offer you a list of my grave questioning.

Inside me, deep is a cold hard hurt. It is a place where the sun does not shine. It is an area where secrets are kept and missions are processed. It is in this deep abyss where I am riddled with sores and the neutrinos fired at me which do not seem to pass through. Hence, I absorb them and try to hold my head high while I slide sideways and a little at a time.

I have never asked anything special from you. I have never come out and said, “I just would wish that girl would speak for me for once.” I do not owe that girl anything and she does not owe me. It saddens me while I sit here at my desk and remember distance images I have of someone. Someone I have yet to know but know too well.

In the dark of this riddled area of disaster, my life has an inescapable miserable truth. It becomes hell of me to think a death could come by riot by persons, unbeknownst to us all, which hath not loved but need no love back. In this darkness there is a reflection. It too is just as pained by the grief why it is such a dark place and a deep and deeper yearning to shed light onto a rot that grows.

I am pained to look at you. I am pained to think the human spite delivered to me would also be the reception delivered to such a beautiful individual. There are not many souls living in the darkness which must hold onto the only thread in life which will keep them alive. In this war where every man is against each other, how can it be that my silence is equaled by another? Last to discover, I am pained.

I am pained to witness this despised hurt that which rot in my growth and makes my affections more cursed by love which I reflected but never asked back. Who hath not loved is loved back. I am not able to hide this as well. I am not able to stand before a crowd and least it be known, not be affected.

This dark spot is indeed a hurtful and painful area. It is a gladiator stage for the strongest of this world. What happens in that stage is the deep sadness which I am not able to communicate with you but can only give back? I do not have anything to give to the most beautiful woman in the world and a girl which has proven herself the most unwanted one in a million stars lit nights for all to see but guess.

I wait for a shot of adulterous affairs or some painless knowledge of a girl who was raped beyond her consciousness and knowledge of what occurred. Perhaps her boyfriend and future compatriot had watched and tried to stop; perhaps he was so pained that he vowed not to return. Sometimes when inside you are so pure and so comforted, the best answer is not the answer. Thus I wait for the deliverance of bad news and another cut in a slow but wilting darkness of grief inspired by the most incredible person I have yet to walk this earth and known.

I cannot separate the thought of how intelligent you are and my equal or greater for I am more a fighter by no words than to use my mental skills to outwit an opponent. However, in fights of the heart there is never a winner, only losers. In this regard, I am a loser. In this regard, I remain in this darkness and alone, against a wind which I neither know or enjoy but I know it must be done and I know I must not stop even if the rot inside tells me to. If it is any comfort, then I ask you to get behind me and let the wind carry me away to that darkness I know already.

The sun shine upon you and as a fighter and one of no words, I accept this with no complaints. It is my wish for you to know us more closely and how I had reached out to you in a deep sleep. One which felt like a dream and one which I was not able to wake from; it pained me to know this and it made me feel much better to tell my partner. I accept many things in life and have not one fear. I can only imagine the pain and grief you must endure to watch also. It is a feeling of a growing rot and a hurt in a darkness which keeps you silenced and quiet.

I am unable to say have mercy on me for I accept my uncanny predicament. I choose to share with you my mystery of a better day and know what to expect. I am riddled by thoughts of being ravaged and eaten naked by someone I do know and who is seeking and plotting my ruin. Death comes to riot and easily. I hope that you will grow stronger and healthier. I hope that you envision that which I showed you to be the strength inside. The ability to float with the wind and to sense when it blows to respect it and not fear it; the cruelties I do not fear, it is the love which I fear the most.

You my dear are the most perfect creature of this earth. The smartest woman I have ever witnessed with my deceitful and calculating logical madness. The most beautiful by any standards I have seen for any woman of my age. I have never upon my wildest dream, think I would be waking from a hell of fire and ice with such unspoken quiet and beauty as what I see before me. I wish to share this with you because you seem to be the only partner that has ever been there. You will have to save that story for a long night and a taste of what you will feel.

Tell Anne Coulter to stop sugar coating the liberals, they are not really that good. That is they think they are so much better or they think others are so much worse than them. It is despicable to witness and be lost of words but I do not blame her because I figure there is so much you can get away with before the line is crossed. Anne Coulter is accepted by the liberals only because she is light on them and withholds the idea that they should be buried deep in the veil of evil they fear themselves. They are too easy on her as she is too easy on them.