JUNE 18, 2008

Ann,

Okay, I surrender. Yesterday, you told me you had made a fortune and could go and choose or have any man on this earth. You have the perfect blend of perfection and not only this, every man on earth dreams about you. We are all in agreement and how you have been with me all your life. I told you I was so happy and proud and would not and did not get angry when we split. I had issues to deal with and I was very angry. I felt you had created so many problems for me and was total trouble. The liberals are saying the conservatives are a curse and the conservatives are saying the liberals are a curse; then if you sit on the fence, you are nothing but a pathetic sheep.

So I said you should have done what I told you and moved on and I have never seen you so angry. Then I was reduced to a pitiful kid listening to fire being breathed down my throat as you were mad I think and crying. Now I come on here and I’m like, “okay, you have made your point.” You win. I surrender to your argument and will “never ever say that again” because “that is the meanest thing you have ever said to me.” Okay you win and I pressed it to use it knowing you were so sensitive about it. I did not expect an emotional blow up, I figured you were going to debate it or argue. I thought you would smack me or say some cuss words. I had no idea and I got the little message you left. You are right, it is the meanest thing I have ever said and it made you either look or feel bad about yourself. I did not expect that okay and I admit I did it because I knew you were sensitive about it and got angry.

I did not know how sensitive you are about this. I did not know how sensitive I am about his. I feel totally abandoned and feel so “oh my god.” This is such a sensitive issue and it is so difficult to explain. This is the depths of betrayal or deceit. I don’t know, if you want to explain or comment, please do so okay. I too am sensitive and very scared. Yeah, you are right; when someone purposely does it then it is not the same. You loose a lifetime of memories and it is like something inside being ripped out. My point was this Ann and please do not be mad. I want you to be free. I have always told you that you will always be free around me. I love you enough to let go and have let go. Now I find out I have been totally tricked and like stalked to keep you and I apart. I feel totally cheated. I feel my life was stolen. I feel everything was done to destroy me and now kiss the love of my life goodbye also. Fuck! How do I scream? How do I yell so loud, the scream rings around the world? I feel like killing someone, no not one, not that. I honestly feel a severe level of violence to the people behind this unlike you can even understand.

I do not think you can understand or feel my pain. You made you point clear okay and I did not expect it back on me. I am sorry for saying the “meanest thing I have ever said to you.” What do you want me to say, “Get back here” and “stay with me?” This is so messed up and we have taken so many shots to the head and the heart. That was the whole point of moving on. Now I suffer so much if I block it out and move on. I love you more than the world and I too cannot live without you. I cannot believe this. I cannot believe their reaction and how unapologetic they are. Yes they were bragging about it and then saying how “they only wanted to help” or “make it better.” What? Make what better? They ripped my second soul, my life long side kick, my other part, my life partner, deliberately, then tried to like “rape” or “fool” both into some sick perverted whorrible sluttish act to like humiliate and dominate them. Then say, “If you are not with us, then you are the enemy.” I know you never slept with any of them and how sick it made you wanting to slice their throats. I feel even more when I hear it. To think they could rape you without a ski mask is sickening.

Ann, I can fix you. I can make it alright again. I can give you that part of you that is missing. I can love you like no other, please do not deny this also. I am miserable and suffering without you and I used it or the issue to say “well why didn’t you not tell me because I would have never known?” You can be the phantom also. I never said you used me and I had my life already if I could just get away from these psychos and lunatic homicidal ass-wipes. I am a total mess because of these jackasses. I will be in court the rest of my life to demand them to fix each and every one of them. Are they helping? Not one fucking bit.

My best bet was to wipe the slate clean and with someone who was more trustworthy. I am ten years behind and I am on a clock which is ten years late. Oh and what about our kids? Remember our plans and our dreams? How you wanted to wait at the door when I came home and ask how work was? Yeah, I would have run the show. Now they got a jackass who is holding me prisoner so he or she can run the show. Well, why didn’t you just take off also right? Then they say how they only wanted to make a buck or had to eat. These jackasses are spies and I am closing in on them.

You can come along or not okay but I swear to you, please do not leave me. It hurts so badly and I felt weak or my pride was hurt so I used it and brought it back to call you stupid. You are my life and I have spent most of my life with you; to say I can walk away is why I wrote that letter. It goes both ways Ann; the pain is unimaginable. I don’t know what to say or do. I was just going to start over and all I said was you had all the chance to; even my approval or endorsements. Do not say why again… okay, please. I will never bring this up again and you are right, “it was one of the meanest things you have ever said” and you let me know three times. That was not fake and it is a cut that is really deep. I had no idea how deep the cut is.

I can make this better and fix you also. Ann, I can take that pain away and I love you so much okay. I have always loved you my entire life and we can still joke around and have a blast like we did; we are just dealing with some issues and we will get through it. I will yell down your ear to get up and pester you about why you are scared ok babe. If you want to hold one to me or stay with me, then I love you so much and you know this. I have doubted you but you have spoken. I can fix you and love you Ann. This shit just goes away when I am with you again; but those cuts are so deep. I did not know your cuts are deeper than mine and I am so sorry babe. I am so sorry okay. I got deep cuts also but now I hardly feel pain; I have vengeance in my blood red eyes. I am so cold without you.

Sad now
Alex.