JUNE 19, 2008

Ann,

So what is your theory about the girl I met at Ocean City, Md.? She looks exactly like you; and I mean exactly but she was only 22 years old. That was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life and when I see you and her; there is no difference in looks. We are talking the best of the best in blondes.

I felt it was a social at first and they were testing my athletic and fighting abilities. They know I am fearless. They know I do not even back down even with a one on one fight with some of the toughest federal prisoners. It was like a gladiator match where they matched me with one, then another, then another. I felt it was an intentional attempt to keep me from the girl who was your “identical” and they wondered by you hung on or were laughing? My god, that is cruel.

In this episode, it is obvious someone is “testing” you and “probing” you trying to determine if there is a link or some correlation. I had a trucking company at the time. It is clear you were or a very good actor and they know this. I am not bad either. My God, they even made comments about rights of the unborn and you were 43 years old then which means you had one year. I told them, I did not have much time and I had to get out of here which they kept on delaying further. So they knew I was panicked and purposely trying to do anything to get back to you. So it was deliberate and they knew they were taking away your unborn child rights. They were bragging and I pleaded with them.

I feel they were trying to pull me or coax me away from you. If you ask me one question, I would say “they are willing to do anything to make sure we do not end up together or get together.” I do not know why but the effort is incredible, they bombard me with mates and I see you turning down a movie star which is odd. I have always felt it was very odd why you did not move on and I was not able to fight back and did not.

I did not fight this Ann; this was and is all you but look what they deliberately did to make sure that you “made a mistake” or “got in the way.” They too want me bad and willing to offer two or three times what you can. I spit on their graves and I will make it known that I will never ever leave you my love. We have been together our entire life almost. I thought it was just change and our lives split in career paths. You had a new crowd and I was pinned down and immobile. I had to get out of there. I am reviewing the tapes and beginning to see the big picture “CENSURE.” I see you never returned after I was released, thank you. They hurt me bad babe; they also devastated my heart and that is where the power of you and I reside. I am trying to watch more episodes and study the events.

I am not jealous today, only trying to figure out why this was such a sensitive issue and you were joking and laughing. You told me how you were feeling and how they “tried” but failed. Always trying to cut you down or break you down; I just spit on their graves and all I have to say is I do not care if they truly hurt you; I will not leave you okay. I have been with you my entire life, how the hell do I reconcile the idea that I abandon the most precious girl in my life? How do I live with myself knowing I had watched while they cut both of us and walked away? They hurt me bad and it was with you to say shut up, censorship, deny marriage (sex), unborn, and stop writing books. This hurt more than you can even know. I still hurt and break down and I still wonder if this was worth it. Was it worth it?