JUNE 4, 2008

6-4-08

Let me explain what happed. After I got out of college, I pursued my career as expected. Then it felt like I hit a brick wall. I began to feel someone holding me back and preventing me from going further or seeing what was going on. I tried to go around that brick wall, under it, over it, and even through it. I gave up and they not only were holding me back, they were trying to inflict as many wounds as possible. I had financial chaos and utter depression, I tried to exercise nonstop and lift weights to get my mind off the situation.

I felt someone was playing cupid with me and interfering in my personal life. When I got fed up and just disgusted, I went to the beach and met your identical twin but 25 years younger. She was the most beautiful girl I had seen and she only wanted to stand beside me and call out my name when I came in the room. People would snap to attention and she loved it. I figured that you had given up because you had to get married and have kids. If you did not do it now, then you will never naturally. I blocked everything out and moved on; I figured I got some trade or someone who knew you could not have kids was replacing you because you had moved on. It was love at first sight and kept my memories of you, everything. However, I know and knew this was not the same person; I know this and ignored it.

Everything felt right and good. You would marry a rich person, I would marry your identical twin and take care of her and start a new life. Then the people holding me back managed to get me put in federal prison. I gave up and stop thinking of your image and face all together. When I got out, I was so overweight and a mess. I had been in so many fist fights. I was drugged up so heavily, fed and kept comatose. I gave up on you did not know why you would not do the logical thing as I did and marry and tried to settle down and have kids finally, it was the last chance. I for certain would not make it and was being held back, I think, and here was your identical twin.

That was ten years ago. Had nobody held me back, we would have been married and you would have had kids or a chance Maybe it would take two years or so to meet, but the chance to have a family would be available to you. Why you chose not to I do not understand. When you are ready to tell me please let me know. I knew I would not make it and I knew you had a chance so I gave up and moved on. But I got your identical twin that was only 22 years old.

When you finally called and told me about artificial insemination and the new scientific developments, it relieved me. The doctors said that even in your elderly ages you can still have kids, but the eggs must be preserved if not already. I am sure you did this and did not give up. Well, missy I am not going to give up either and I am just as mad, maybe even madder. But things are good and it makes me feel good all over again.

Maybe it was a cruel joke to pull us apart. Maybe it was some "birth control" and maybe it was pure "hate" by people who wanted to play cupid or intervene in something they had no business in doing. I was told these people were protecting me and giving me better choices while making my life suffer. I am sure it hurt you more than it hurt me, so that is all I will say. It is like taking someone's heart and ripping it out of their body, then showing it to them to show how powerful they are and how helpless you are.

If this is politico's poser Ann Coulter, then all I have to say is I love and totally adore Ann Coulter, the most gorgeous and classy woman I have ever met. I fell in love with her twin the minute I met her and the same thing. Let me also say that someone had to wait 4 years while I was in federal prison getting in fist fights and jumped by black Muslims and some hairy Jewish guy who tried to jump on my back so I would not kill the Black Muslim. That is how they fight in prison. You know what, when you get in enough fist fights in federal prison, you learn to lock the door and she what kind of person they are. I think they were trying to put you in prison also babe, be careful because it is all bogus. They were some deranged stalking fan and your worst enemy. I fought all of them and did not have any alliance with anyone; it was some crazy crack pot idea. I also had to fight the white supervise in federal prison.

This means that the woman I love with all my heart and would pour my soul over, waited and waited and waited, and I never showed up. When I did, I was fat and recovering from a coma so I could not speak for almost a year. Then maybe she was a little mad because of what happened or who was behind it? I'm sure she did what she could. I’m my sweetest sweetheart has had a chance and has thought about leaving many times given how it was so long of a wait and I never showed up. So I have never seen a grown woman cry or bawl her brains out, but I’m sure sometimes the ignorance and hate in this world by the leftist commies make people disgusted and feel this violent impulse. I would love to whine and cry about human rights but I am beyond feelings. So if anyone needs a round of applause, then it is her. But if it was meant to be, then someone made it harder because maybe she wanted kids. That is almost 8 years waiting and constant missing or wrong timing. There are some people who leave a mark on your life and some people who are forever marked to make you feel good all over. It makes you feel good over and over. So if anyone has the right to be mad, then it’s her. I had been sad so many days and wrote so many poems in my sadness hoping to meet up with someone I had known a long time ago and was just waiting patiently and I had no idea.